My Husband Should Just KNOW, Right? The Postpartum Lesson I Learned the Hard Way

Needing makes me vulnerable. It’s risky. At least, that’s what I learned long ago. Unsurprisingly, this belief ended up not serving me well.

Postpartum was the first time things weren’t going smoothly in my marriage. We never seemed to have trouble communicating before. What was going on?

As I held my new baby in the middle of the night, exhausted and uncomfortable. My husband had the audacity to be…sleeping.

Sleeping! I sat beside him, watching him breathe deeply while I felt the waves of absolute exhaustion and discomfort.

“How can he not know I need more help?” I thought. That hurt slowly turned to resentment and bitterness.

I began to play a story in my head that he had the better deal of this. He got to sleep. He got to hang out with adults. He didn’t have a baby constantly needing something from him. The interesting part was that he was playing the same story in his head about me.

But that’s the point, isn’t it? Perhaps the enemy wars against nothing more than families. It’s the name of the game. After working with postpartum families for over 15 years, I’ve learned this is often how relationship disconnection begins.

But then I realized something: I had never asked for my husband’s help. I assumed he should have just “known.”

I had never learned that it was okay to need; okay to ask for help. This, in turn, cut people off from actually meeting my needs and being there for me (my husband included). It robbed me of intimacy and close relationships.

What would have happened if I had simply said, “When I’m done feeding, will you take care of the baby so I can get a few hours of rest?”

I’ll never know. But knowing my husband, he would have agreed.

Now years later, I’m watching the Lord use my very postpartum struggles to light the path for other new mothers.

It truly is amazing that if we let Him, He will work all things for our good. Even postpartum.

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Learn more about Rachel Taylor’s new book, After Baby Comes, on Mama Did It, a postpartum, pregnancy, and motherhood blog.