How to Shape a Vibrant Home Culture of Love

“Beyond all these things put on love, which is the perfect bond of unity.” —Colossians 3:14

Looking back over 7 decades of life and pondering what has really mattered has given me new perspective on the ways I want to invest my life in the future. I have come to realize that over all the years of travel, commitments, activities, accomplishments, work that swallowed up lots of energy and focus, it is not the activities that left the biggest imprint on the hearts of people closest to me. Instead, it was our close relationships that were nurtured over years that had the biggest impact.

Some years ago, during a Christmas holiday, our family was sequestered inside our Colorado home. Six of us were tucked here and there between blankets, snuggled on couches, mugs of hot chocolate and marshmallows in hand and enjoying the crackling fire in our den. It was a freezing December day with snow falling heavily outside, while we sat warm in body and soul in the fine company of each other.

One of my boys who had lived and traveled far from home shared thoughts that had been percolating, “It is so great to be back in our family culture of love—no matter what conflict or difficulty or failure or attitude I’ve been experiencing, I know I can come home to unconditional love and have all of you here to support me, to accept me, to help me. I never knew how blessed our family was until I left home. We have so much to celebrate together. I am so happy to be here, to be able to restore.”

A culture of love—I had never thought of it that way, but it spoke volumes to my heart. All of us create a home culture of some kind. The traditions we keep, the meals we make, the routines we practice, the values we espouse and hold, the movies that are our favorites, the church we attend, the generosity we practice, the way we invest time, the company we keep—all of these come together to craft our individual personal culture of life for those who interact with us. We can also, inadvertently, create a culture negatively—a culture of anger, neglect, guilt, discord, disharmony, worldly values, and so on.

Crafting a culture of love requires that I, as the queen of my castle, so to speak, become the conductor of a loving and generous heart that leads those in my surroundings to understand gracious, generous, sacrificial, validating, forgiving love. Loving this way requires action from me—writing words of kindness in an email or on a note placed on a pillowcase, taking time to listen to hearts pouring out joy or brokenness, building comfort and hospitality by storing resources of food, coffee, and tea, readily available to become tools of friendship. To create such a culture requires planning, intention, mature responses, words of life and affirmation, patience, and just lots and lots of unconditional love.

Creating a culture of love in my relationships gives me direction and purpose for the best ways to invest my life in the decades to come. As Paul encourages us, we can clothe ourselves, put on love, to cultivate communities of acceptance, belonging, and unity as a worthy way to live. As my son said, I will remember to keep building a culture of love.