Surround Yourself With Supportive People Who Tell You The Truth

Posted on May 15, 2017 Topic : Weekly Devotionals

Surround yourself with supportive people who tell you the truth.

When we have been wounded, we naturally seek out people who can help apply the salve of support and sympathy. So far, so good. But that salve of sympathy can too easily turn into further inflammation of the wound. The medicine of a listening ear, meant to speed healing, can turn into rehashing of painful events and bashing of our offenders. Such so-called “medicine” only keeps the wound fresh.

If you catch yourself reaching for the phone to call someone who would keep open the wound of unforgiveness, stop! Instead, dial a friend who may wound you for the moment by not telling you what you want to hear, but who will also encourage you to forgive so your heart can be healed. The book of Proverbs speaks of this kind of friend: “Faithful are the wounds of a friend.” 12

What we need are friends who help us rethink our thoughts — friends who challenge us to not stay in the rut of unforgiveness, friends who will counsel us to forgive even when we don’t feel like it.

Turn thought into action.

The apostle James posed this question: “What good is it…if a man claims to have faith but has no deeds? Can such faith save him?”13 We can also ask, What good is forgiveness if it produces no evidence? You can easily say you have forgiven someone, but the proof comes in what you are willing to do about it. Once you “retrain your brain” by choosing to forgive—even when you don’t feel like it—you can “seal” your choice by giving the offender a gift. Counselor Robert Enright explains:

This point in the forgiveness process may surprise some. Why should we give the offender a gift? We are, after all, the injured party. The offender owes us, we don’t owe any- thing. But by giving a gift to the one who has hurt us, we break the power that person has over us.14

You might be thinking, What? You want me to give a gift to the guilty? To forgive a debt is one matter, to give a gift is another! Yet this is precisely what Jesus says to us: “If someone wants to sue you and take your [shirt], let him have your [coat] as well. If someone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles.”15

The purpose of giving both your shirt and your coat—the purpose of going a second mile beyond the first—is not to reward the guilty. Not at all. It is so that you will adopt the heart and mind of Jesus. The purpose for all of us is to allow a forgiving God to turn us into a forgiving people.

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12. Proverbs 27:6 NKJV

13. James 2:14

14. Robert D. Enright, Forgiveness Is a Choice: A Step-by-Step Process for Resolving Anger and Restoring Hope (Washington, DC: APA Life Tools, American Psychological Association, 2001), p. 166.

15. Matthew 5:40-41