The One Thing You Can Do to Really Connect with Your Kids

Posted on May 10, 2018 Topic : Women's Christian Living
Posted by : Kathi Lipp

What makes your kids giddy with excitement? An amazing song? Beautiful artwork? A last-minute home run with the bases loaded to win the game? An amazing bowl of salsa? Whatever it is that your kids are passionate about, one of the most powerful things you can do to connect with your kids is to invest in what they invest in.

My oldest, Justen, has always loved to write stories, and at a young age showed great ability as a storyteller. His characters were rich with detail, and his scenes were fun and fast-paced. When he turned fifteen, we started to plan an adventure: Six days driving up through California and beyond until we hit the Oregon Shakespeare Festival in Ashland. And what determined our route? We spent a lot of time locating the best used bookstores (and bookstores that carried new books but also had a great used-books section) along the way.

We started with a detour based on a recommendation from my mom to visit the Almost Perfect Bookstore in Roseville, California. It was officially the first stop on our literary adventure. And after about a half hour in the store, I was concerned that it might be our last. I was afraid all the spending money Justen had saved over the past few months was going to be spent in one spot. His favorite author had recently signed a few copies of his latest book for the store, and Justen wanted one. Bad.

Plop went his money (and maybe some of his grandmother’s money that she had slipped to him without my knowledge), and Justen was in proud possession of a signed copy of his favorite author’s latest release.

As far as Justen was concerned, the trip could have ended then.

But we soldiered on. We drove and listened to audiobooks, we drank copious amounts of coffee, and we talked. We talked about life, we talked about writing, and we talked about God.

It ended up being one of the best memories I have with my son—and I learned so much about who he is, what he loves, and what he wants out of life. Investing in Justen’s passions is the activity that has given me the biggest payoff.

We do the same thing when we’re dating. We do it because people love it when we want to hang out where they hang out. It makes them feel valued and special. It gives them a common language to speak with us. It changes the way they act and interact.

It’s no different with our kids. When we get passionate about what they are passionate about, it changes our relationship.

Investing in your child’s passions takes time (that you may not have) and money (that may be in short supply), but it’s so important. Here are some of my best tips on how to make it work:

Learning the lingo. Whatever your child loves, you need to learn the lingo. Go to Wikipedia.com to brush up on the terms your child is using. Or read the magazines they read. Listen to the music they like.

Create a fund for their passion. Put aside a small amount of money each month (and let them contribute too) to pay for supplies, classes, books, tickets, and more that relate to your child’s passion.

Put your money where their passion is. Ask your child to put together a wish list of things they would like. You will always have gift ideas they’ve picked out themselves.

Be obsessed with them. Even if you don’t share their passion, find a way to be with them while they pursue it. Be obsessed with your kid by showing up. Attend their sporting events, go to a concert with them, watch them perform. Spend time with them doing the thing they love.

Find your peeps. Maybe you don’t know anything about your child’s passion, but you know someone who does. Connect your kids with someone who shares their passions. They’ll gain a mentor, and you’ll love seeing your children bond with a positive role model.

Show the love. My stepson, Jeremy, became passionate about running while he was in high school. Even though I will never participate in Jeremy’s passion (there is no way I could keep up), we show up and cheer him on, and the framed photos are tangible proof in our living room that we are invested in Jer. Show up for your kid, and show them your love and support.

Investing in your children’s interest is an investment that is sure to payoff for you, and for them, for years to come.