Begin the Journey to Healing Broken Relationships

When I wrote Setting Boundaries with Your Adult Children, my only child was serving a seven-year sentence in federal prison, of which he served five years. A great deal has happened in the years since.

Like many of our troubled kids, he has above-average language skills and can masterfully manipulate a conversation—yet his social skills, decision-making ability, and coping mechanisms are below average. He is a grown man who struggles every day to survive, and my heart aches for him.

After all these years, I still want him to find his purpose and live the life God has planned for him.

Yet it seems I want this for him more than he wants it for himself. And so, like many parents, I’ve had to learn how to let go—to love my son with open arms and trust that God is in control. I’m certainly not.

Thousands of parents have reached out to me for help over the years—generous, loving, caring, and often hopeless parents. Grasping at straws yet fearful of the truth and its consequences, they are desperate to know what to do. Many lack the resources—financial and emotional—or the knowledge of what to do. They feel alone, yet statistics prove that is not the case. There are so many of us brokenhearted parents of broken kids.

But when we put our hope in God, we will never be disappointed. Hope is always based on the guaranteed promises of God, and hope is something we can give to our struggling adult children. After all, “[God] helps us [parents] in all our troubles, so that we are able to help others [our adult children] who have all kinds of troubles, using the same help that we ourselves have received from God” (2 Corinthians 1:3-4 GNT).

Hope and healing can miraculously replace fear and pain when we make the transition from “This isn’t how life is supposed to be” to “This is how life is. Now what does God want me to learn and do?” This transition starts when we can begin to see our troubled adult children for who they really are rather than who we wish they were.

For many of us, this shift in perspective is going to require genuine fortitude as we revisit some of the painful situations and circumstances that have brought us to where we are today. It’s never easy to look at illnesses and issues that have caused considerable damage not only to the life of our children, but to our relationship with them as well.

Realize, however, that despite all this discussion about our offspring, the journey you need to take is ultimately about you and your choices.

It’s a journey that will change your life. And—God willing—the life of your troubled adult child.