3 Reasons Christian Kids Need to Learn about Sex Sooner Rather than Later

I heard a collective gasp from the audience the first time I ever made this recommendation. I didn’t realize that encouraging parents to have the first of many sex talks with their children around age four would be shocking. But I guess it was.  

“There is no way I could look my four-year-old in the eye and explain the mechanics of sex.”

“Telling my child about sex at that age would steal his innocence.”

“I want to protect my child from the ways of the world, not throw her into them.”

These and countless other worries have met my simple recommendation to start the conversation about sex at a young age. And I get it. When most of our parents had “the talk” with us, it was awkward and hurried, and everyone in the room was relieved when the conversation was over (and never brought up again!). Why would we ever want to subject a four-year-old to knowledge of such an awkward subject? 

There are three main reasons: 

1) Whoever talks to your child about sex first becomes the “expert.” 

Do you want your child to have a biblical, truth-based understanding of sexuality? If you answered that question with a yes, then you need to be the first person your child comes to with their questions, curiosities, anxieties, and concerns. And in order for that to happen, your child needs to view you as the expert.  

My friend, Hillary Ferrer, has coined this phenomenon the Founder’s Effect. Whoever talks with your child about a topic first naturally becomes the expert in their mind.  You experience the Founder’s Effect every time you try to help your child with math homework and they insist you don’t know what you’re talking about (even though you do!) simply because that is “not the way Mrs. So-and-so explained it.” Mrs. So-and-so was the first person to explain this math concept to your child. So, no matter your depth of knowledge about math, Mrs. So-and-so is now the expert.  

If you want your child to come to you with their question about sexuality, rather than a friend, teacher, show, influencer, or search engine, you need to begin the conversation about sex before anyone else does. 

2) Your child deserves to know the truth: that God’s design is inherently good.  

Even if you think having the first of many sex talks with your child around the age of four is way too young, here’s the truth of the matter. Simply by being alive at this time and in this culture, your child is going to be exposed to forms of sexual expression that do not align with God’s good design.  

Whether it’s discovering your next-door neighbors are a same-sex couple, having your groceries run up at the local Costco by a man donning a bear, lipstick, and a dress, or your unwed niece announcing her pregnancy, your child is going to be confronted with forms of sexual expression that do not align with God’s design. 

If you want your child to understand the truth about sex—that it is an inherently good gift from God—then your child must learn about God’s design first. If instead, you wait to discuss that design until your child has encountered some form of sinful corruption, you will be thrust into backtracking, explaining how what your child just witnessed was not God’s good design, before they even know what that design is.  

If we want our children to understand God’s ways, and know that they are good, we must begin the conversation about sex before anyone else does.  

3) Starting the conversation at an early age takes away the awkwardness 

Finally, there is an added bonus to beginning this conversation young. If you begin talking with your child around the age of four, there is only one person who feels awkward in the conversation…you! At this young age, your child does not sense any awkwardness or shame around this topic.  

And though your heart may still race and your cheeks may still blush as you open the conversation, you can rest assured that you have just given your child the gift of taking away any awkwardness for them in this first conversation. And wouldn’t it be amazing if your child could look back on your first sex talk without the terrible memories that most of us adults have of that first (and often only) conversation? 

So there you have it! Three solid reasons why our kids need to learn about sex sooner rather than later. For more details on how to have these conversations and how to calm your fears and anxieties as you walk your child through them, check out Helping Your Kids Know God’s Good Design.